Even on the most ancient coins, there are two sides…giving way, to that age-old adage…”two sides to every story.”
My family’s story is no different.
What I write, is based on what I know to be true, as told to me by police, child victim advocates, therapist, state prosecutors, and my daughter.
It is based on hindsight and a photographic memory of seemingly trivial events, that in the light of the last six months, have only begun to make sense.
It is filled with the raw emotion of trauma, loss, and betrayal.
It is a story of facts and feelings…and they are very different from one another.
Facts regardless of what they are, do not change..but you may not have them all today…leaving you a puzzle with missing pieces.
Never quite the complete picture, we are left to fill in the blanks, and our brains are very good at filling in the blanks. Sort of….
Feelings, on the other hand, are quite different. They are temporary. The way I feel today is not the way I will feel tomorrow…not that feelings are not real, but they change with time, as our understanding evolves or as we ourselves mature.
When this whole thing started I was very torn between the trauma of my daughter, the anger at and loss of my father, the shared pain of my wife and son, juxtaposed with the shared shock and pain of my mother and siblings.
My daughter understood the magnitude of the truth, long before she told it…and it is why she carried it alone, for so long.
With the loss of contact with my family I do not have a clear picture of what they are going through, but as the son and brother, I know it must be great. They know that their father, the man they have known and loved their whole lives, is facing the very real possibility of a life sentence…and at his age, and based on the charges, I know this to be true.
Likewise, my family does not see or understand, what I am facing.
My father while he may die in prison, is much closer to the end of his life, the horrible physical, psychological and emotional damage he has done to my daughter, however, will affect her for an entire life.
His unspeakable, selfish betrayal of my trust and love, has had an indescribable effect on me…and will forever affect the relationships I have with my mother and siblings.
I have read a lot on the subject of rape, incest, and child abuse… and everything that is happening to my family, because of my father’s actions, is what is referred to as “textbook”.
Every family that has ever gone through this, has suffered in a very similar way and it is tragically, well documented.
Some of those families took 10 to 20 years to recover, some never did.
…I hazzard to speculate at the outcome.