The first moment you learn your child has been the victim of abuse is like a hand grenade being thrown into the room, your ears ringing from a horrible truth, voices trail off into the distance. You are struck, with an epiphany as hindsight takes hold, you see the pieces and clues of behavior, falling into place…pieces that never made any sense before, or meant nothing at all, or just seemed odd.
For me, my feelings toward my father, the man who abused my daughter, went from immense love, honor, and respect…. to rage, justice, and vengeance…in seconds.
In those first few moments, there is a massive amount of destruction, and then you spend months sifting through the rubble of your life, trying to piece together what has happened and how.
As the facts and timetables unfold so do your worst nightmares because no matter how shocking the initial blast was, you were never able to conceive the whole truth.
Had I been hit by the whole truth in those first few moments, it is unlikely my father would have survived the day and it is unlikely that I would be walking around free.
But as it usually does, it unfolded slowly, as criminal investigations started in two separate states and my daughter was seeing multiple therapists on a weekly basis.
Timelines fall into place, and you realize how deep the wounds are and how difficult they will be to heal. Details emerge slowly, through forensic interviews and exams, each one more shocking and disturbing than the next.
One of the more surprising revelations for us, was that there was an eye witness to the abuse. When the police told me who it was and relayed the story my daughter told them, I was shocked that the witness had not come forward…after all, it was my own sister. How could my own sister, know the truth, be a witness to the abuse of my daughter and hide the fact? It explains why she refuses to speak to the police.
As you sift through the rubble you realize there is loose and dangerous debri everywhere and at any time a lot more damage can be done…and your constantly hoping that all of the pieces have finally come to rest.